We are in the final stages of the project. After 8 weeks of
hard work the end is in sight. We are currently working towards completing the
final designs for the content of the folding poster and large format poster and
plan to print using the Risograph next week.
Although I am pleased with the progress we have made as a
group and out data collection methods I am disappointed in the reception of my
initial poster design. In reflection the comments made were perhaps correct,
but not delivered in a way that was sympathetic to time invested and my
involvement with the rest of the project. That said, I have been able to rework
the poster and think outside of the direct representation of the movement into
something more abstract. There is a part of me that feels as if I have sold my
soul in this project. There is nothing of my own skill set in this, only perhaps
some organisational skills. I don’t know what that means or where it leaves me
in terms of the development and critical engagement within my own practice,
apart from at a loss. I am not disputing that I have learnt a lot about myself
that is relevant in terms of group work, organisation, curating, editing,
researching, problem solving, but not in terms of my own practice. I thought
that distancing myself from my own ‘style’ of work would allow me to develop a
new perspective on process and practice but it has made me feel lost.
If painting is what I do, is painting all I can do? I am not
sure I can answer that question: not sure I can and not sure I want to. I need
to continue to push through to the end of this project and think more about my
own practice, what I want it to be, where it can go, and how I can move forward
without being static. I read ‘Ways of Seeing’ by John Berger. He talks about
painting in a way that is historical and contextual but also accessible. It made
me think that painting for me is about the brush, the paint, and the marks.
Although that might not be directly evident from my work. There is something
more in the act of painting that become meditative for me, transcendental, peaceful.
Something creative happens in that space, creative thoughts but separate and
alien from the physical act of painting. Painting allows the active synthesis
of ideas into the new. It is a space of total peace. So how do I bring the
creative process directly, actively and purposefully into the physical process?
Perhaps that is my challenge? But I am not sure I am prepared to relinquish my
love of the physical act of painting, perhaps it can only exists in that place
for me and that is why I am so reluctant to move it anywhere else.
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