After our tutorial, I worry that my projected vision of what
could be produced is totally different from everyone else’s. I envisaged an intricately
beautifully realised data visualization and therein lies the problem, one that
I always struggle with: ‘envisaging’. In
planning a potential outcome, or pinning my hopes on a specific visualisation
not only am I taking away any creativity from the process of making I am also
controlling and manipulating the collaboration. I am not averse to leading some
aspects of the collaboration, like decision making, or organising. But in
enforcing my ‘vision’ I am not valuing the creative skill set of my peers and
that is (surely) the point of this module! Certainly for me, working closely
with others is a way to tap into new processes and develop new understanding of
different areas.
There is something else lurking in this anxiety of
relinquishing the final product about a lack of understanding of my own
practice. (Something raised in my FMP tutorial too!) Perhaps understanding is
the wrong word here, but certainly the value, and nature of my own practice
requires reflection and re-examination in order to ‘let go’ of the final
product. I also need to have a belief in the ability of not just my peers, who
have an outstanding and diverse set of skills, but also in myself. The
extensive reading I have been doing for Research and Practice 2 is constantly
sitting at the forefront of my mind and working collaboratively is really
challenging the idea of the role of illustration. Perhaps this is
part of what is making me question my contribution to this collaborative
project, not just an anxiety about my own practice but the role of illustration
within the creative world. This is truly engagement with illustration practice
on a wider level than I was expecting from the MA, which is good and bad. The
bad, only insomuch as, I am projecting a negative spin on it. I need to change
the way I think about my own practice and embrace the freedom of illustration
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